The other day I read this piece on how BP’s gulf crisis may have caused the beginnings of human extinction. At the time my imagination took over and before I knew it, I was wondering what it would be like to live in a Cormac McCarthy The Road–style apocalypse – given, of course, if I’d survive the whole ordeal.
It took me a good conversation to shake me out of the whole mindset, a conversation filled with level-headed rational and laid-out logic. I was smarter than that, I knew better – hell I knew this all, for crying out loud! Get it together, it’s ok, think you idiot, think. People take advantage of crisis for website hits and readers – this could easily be another one of those. Think about it: people have been crying the apocalypse for decades now, and here I am, still alive and well. And by all means if this was an legitimate concern, well by now the whole news networks would be all over it like sharks on a blood hunt. And of all things logic – classic, old school, clean cut cold logic – was the most comforting amongst this cloud of imaginative fear and uncertainty. The irony nearly killed me.
Today I read that the whole “methane doomsday” is likely sensationalistic, that the rational behind Helium.com’s article is near void and a far less concern than other issues at hand (marine life, for one). Seeing this was an additional relief, and I started wondering why besides almost two decades of education – everything from science to humanities to logic to creative – why one moment of susceptibility left me quivering like a wet cat in the rain.
The reason: I’d let go of logic, the fear killer, in that moment, and had instantly become spineless prey to believing anything and everything by some bloke who’d managed to tap into some innate paranoia of mine.
I assume a great deal of our fears stem from a lack of understanding – of the world and of ourselves. For the most part, I make a conscious effort to not shun away from instinctual fear (unless it calls for survival, which is a whole different story); instead, I try to rationalize what’s driving this feeling, this subconscious gut feeling: is it a particular phobia of mine? Has this resulted in something “bad” before? (and what is “bad”?) Do I know what’s going on? Is this something I can overcome? (and if not, why?) Does this stem from some sort of insecurity? Can it cause me harm? (and if so, what sort of harm?) Etcetera.
These questions, this constant self-questioning has helped me overcome a lot of hindering fears – at least the ones that are conscious. I suspect a great deal of dictators, violence, racism, and other social problems arise from human fear of the unknown and the tendency to instinctually ostracize such as “bad.” And when you lose sight of logic and the holistic outlook these ingrained thoughts, these subscribed feelings result in our own behaviors and how we act – and in the case of fear, we often act maliciously.
I find that oftentimes with a logical strive to greater understanding – whether it be accepting differences, engaging in conversation, acknowledging our own limitations – that it remedies fear that would otherwise manifest into negative actions human history is stained red with. Rationality and logic are invaluable in this case.
The subconscious fears I’ve found to be more difficult, and frustratingly so. In fact, just a while ago I suffered a near panic attack while watching an episode of Doctor Who, “The Unquiet Dead."
Now given if you’re familiar with the "Doctor Who” serials, you’d know that the first serial has effects near B-movie levels (one of the main reasons I got into the revamped series). This episode was no different; what was jarring was that it played on an old childhood fear of mine – of ghosts endlessly antagonizing me, similar to like the ghosts of Disney’s “The Haunted Mansion” following me home and haunting the narrow hallway upstairs.
Of course it’s a silly fear, but hell it caught me by surprise and for the first time in decades I was badly shaken. Of all things in the world this, this B-movie status episode, this episode of minimal effects – it was scary, and really badly so.
It reverberated so much childhood viscerally that of all things I couldn’t sleep for a good few hours afterwards. Only after taking some time to think it through – why was I scared, what about it was traumatizing, did something happen before, and so on – did I finally figure out what bothered me so much, and only then was I able to sleep comfortably enough (with a mixture of exhaustion – daylight was starting to peep in).
Logical thought – a progression of what, why, who, when, where, and how – was tricky while digging through a subconscious fear, but it was effective enough at the time. I’m not sure if I’ll ever get over that stupid fear, but at least now I have a better grasp of what bothered me so much (plus there’s always the good laugh when I’m in the mood for self-deprecation). For now, it’s enough to know that rational is enough to dispel a good number of simple fears, and that from there I can at least progress above my own inhibitions and buried trauma.
Note: apologies for the late post! The lack of internet was quite cumbersome on the plane trip.