Compassion should be unbiased and based on the recognition that others have the right to happiness, just like yourself – Dalai Lama
Forgiveness: the action or process of forgiving or being forgiven.
A uniquely human characteristic, forgiveness is an action of kindness, a selflessness that reflects on the forgiver and relief on the forgiven – indications and thematics that are presented and explored in the 2008 Japanese film, おくりびと, translated “Departures."
Daigo Kobayashi is a conflicted man. Once an aspiring cellist, he is forced to give up his aspirations after the cruel pangs of reality sink in: his Tokyo orchestra disbands, and he cannot afford the cello he just purchased without discussing the cost to his wife, Mika. Deeper though is an undying resentment for his father, who abandoned him and his mother when he was only six years old.
"Departures” explores Daigo’s transformation as he begins work as a nōkan, a person who prepares dead bodies for funeral and burial ceremonies. Initially, he hides his new occupation from his wife and friends, ashamed of the stigma attached to one of the most taboo subjects in Japan. However, he eventually comes to accept his new profession, taking pride in the care and delicacy of a ceremonious practice with origins, weight and meaning long lost to the modern tides of Japanese society.
Daigo’s transcendence as a nōkan highlights multiple veins of resentment and forgiveness including himself, Mika, his boss Shōei Sasaki, and his co-worker Yuriko Uemura. These are people who just like us, are conflicted by personal qualms and a desire to continue living on for the sake of themselves and for whom they care deeply about. At what cost, however, is the main question.
To forgive, in a sense, is to forget the pangs of resentment. The memories of the cause, of what happened still remain, but for the sake of continuing onwards the act of forgiveness is simultaneously an act for both the forgiven and the forgiver – an act in the pursuit of happiness and closure, and the right to such.
Forgiveness, however, is easier said than done. For how could we ever forget the pain, the anger, the grief the compiles into the burning resentment for the one who wronged us so badly?
Resentment, though differing in magnitude between individuals and dependent on the cause, always creates empty voids within our souls – voids that stem desires for vengeance or ongoing turmoils of despair and anger. These voids ferment over time, creating a toxicity that torments the soul endlessly, a ailing condition that can only be solved with the step towards forgiving the cause of resentment and of oneself for letting go of such memories.
In the climatic scene of “Departures,” Daigo learns that his father just died. Initially unwilling to see the man who left him behind, Daigo is urged by his co-worker Yuriko to see him. He vehemently answers no, to which she discloses that long ago, she too abandoned her six year old son to run off with a lover; since then, she has been unable to return to her hometown and see her son despite her desire to.
Through Yuriko’s, Mika’s and Shōei’s persuasion, Daigo is able to see his father and finally able to forgive everything: his father for all those years of abandonment, and more pressingly himself – for failing as a cellist, for initially disappointing his wife, for taking his place as a skilled and professional nōkan, and most importantly all those years of resentment for himself as a son to his mother and father.
Simultaneously, Yuriko’s sudden insistence for Daigo to see his father in turn reflects her last hope at redemption for her past actions. Despite her desires, she does not feel worthy to first approach her own son: the shame of her actions bind her from initiating the act of forgiveness, and it is only through the will of her son to first approach her can she finally be at peace. It is this greatest hope that she imposes on Daigo: if he is capable of approaching his father after all these years, there is still a hope that her own son may approach her as well, and only then can she find it possible to forgive herself, to come to terms with the resentment she has for herself.
“Departures” highlights the difficulty of letting go the resentment built over time, and how such bitterness can only be remedied and healed through the greatest act of compassion:
Forgiveness.
Though our desire for rightful indignation may cause us to maintain years of resentment, the desire for closures even stronger, and only through the gateway of letting go will we ever hope to leave chains of hurt for the right of happiness.
After all, as finite beings we all deserve the right to happiness – in life and in death.